ANP ARRRRHHHHHHH

Automatic Number Plate Recognition is a fascinating, tool sitting in the van watching the plates being read
is a bit like grown up car spotting. When the alarm goes off it’s actually quite exciting , ..no tax...no mot.. no insurance...markers on the police national lottery its like a big crime reduction fruit machine.....

We had a joint operation with Big Town force, on a main road heading towards the motoway...surfice to say I was busy all day and my FPN wallet was severly deminished. However the car pound was full to bursting point!

The sound of silence...

Who would of thought it......saturday night....nothing happened nothing at all, drove around in some lovely countryside but not a sausage.

Oh I tell a lie we had to asked a lady to move her car then the electricity board could dig a hole underneath it......Oh the adrenaline rush

More drunks!

The next village, (well,small town really) to mine, has an annual pram race...fun for the kids etc etc..in reality it is an excuse for a great big pub crawl...and underage drinking fest.

 We started the night in the park which had been given over to the fun fare.....nothing to untoward.. confiscated beer from kids, issued a penalty notice for disorder to a bloke peeing in full view of the field..... he chose not to accept and will have his day in court...lets hope his bladder holds out for that or the magistrate could be in for a surprise. 

We moved on to the centre of town a narrow street with three of four pubs, but rammed with people most of whom where off the faces, I had a lager can bounce off my head but couldn’t see where it came from. We ended up breaking up two rival football factions intend on taking free kicks on each other..not a problem...what really began to grate though was drunks wanting to have there picture taken wearing my hat, linking arms and wanting to dance, or women asking me if they were pregnant could they pee in my hat. And unseen arse grabbers

Alcohol makes you Handsome, Strong, Fearless, and irresistible…

…..as well as ignorant, stupid, irresponsible, and deaf.

Saturday night was very q***t, not much happening at all, the local nightclub has shut down, and the ‘big fight’ was on Sky. So it was a procession of domestics and prisoner transports. Being in the ‘naughty bus’ with the cage in the back we where called to shuttle a few rowdy individuals and drunks, plus a couple or burglary suspects to the nick. Nothing to taxing or exciting.

What struck me as we cruised around is how stupid pissed people look when they are trying to walk around, and how incapable of following the slightest instructions. Worst of all they just never know when to shut up when told.

We were called to a ‘grade 1 domestic’, which means we have to blue light it to the scene as quickly as possible. On arrival there was a distraught middle aged lady, pissed, crying in the garden, a middle aged man, pissed, in the kitchen and a twenty something not quite as pissed, up stairs leaning on his window sill smoking,

“ What the fuck do you lot want, come up here and I’ll fucking lamp you”

Charming.

I talked to the older bloke, trying to calm him down, it was difficult due to his ‘drunks amnesia’ and having to answer the same question and listen to the same statements about six times. Eventually my colleagues got the woman to stop ranting and crying and the lad to chill out and we left if not happy at least safe in the knowledge that there weren’t going to plunge kitchen knives into each other. I sympathise to a certain extent and they will get a call from our domestic violence unit, for family mediation…but if you know things are a bit uptight…don’t get pissed as a fart it just makes things worse in every possible way.

 We got another call from the cctv operators telling us a man was pushing and shoving a girl, trying to make her go with him, obviously a serious matter, turned out to be a couple, she wanting to go and stay with her mates him wanting her to go with him. She was tearful and adamant she didn’t want to go with him.  Long story short after telling him to go away more times than we had the patience for and more times than he deserved before being nicked he eventually sidled off. We got another call from the cctv about ten minutes later telling us he was following her. We saw him staggering out of the kebab shop, and then her coming out of a flat a few doors away.turns out she had phoned him and told him to come….  I give up

2 wheeled Rant

I’m a keen cyclist and do a 12 mile commute through central London a few days a week. Truth be told I despair of other riders, 80% of them are complete idiots, jumping red lights riding on the pavement, weaving through pedestrians trying to cross the road - It’s a complete nightmare and totally unnecessary, Id love to summons someone for furious and wanton cycling..that would make my day.

The media and the cyclists pressure groups make a big noise when a cyclist is squashed by a lorry, everyone wants to fit extra mirrors of cameras to the trucks and re train the drivers even make them ride around town on a bike to see what its like. The simple matter of it is cyclists get squashed by lorries turning left because they filter down the left hand side to get in front of the lorry and save a few seconds at the lights...simple solution...don’t bloody do it and if you do don’t complain if you get crushed!. 

And Boris bikes..don’t get me started..great idea..very commendable for tourists etc in the west end...but it's created a great wobbling army of clueless peddling zombies, its like trying to fly a hang glider through a Kamikaze festival.

A nice change

Sunday was a funday, on duty at a family event a police headquarters… dog displays, helicopters food, vintage vehicles, happy people and smiling children…… a bit of traffic directing and a BBQ

Makes a change being waved to by children instead of being given the v’s…..

although the BBQ was put on by the dog section.....draw your own conclusions

Van man

Why do people, deny they have anything they shouldn’t have when we ask them, when they know they are about to be searched? It’s obvious we are going to find it, so why not save the bother and just tell the truth?  Friday night, pissing down, windy we get a call to look out for a certain van reported by a mop for acting suspiciously in an area known for drugs deals.  Like most of these calls we kept an eye out not really thinking we would see it. The first thing I knew about it was when my head hit the side window as Inspector X threw the van around 360 degrees as he had spotted a vehicles which as we say ‘fitted the description’, we followed it for a while and then gave it a tug.  Inside where two very fidgety looking bodies in local authority uniforms, as sit was a council van. While Inspector X talked to them I noticed one of them smartly pull his huge hairy hand from between the car seats. 

We got them to the side of the road and asked them did they have anything they shouldn’t have..

”no not us guv” etc. 

we gave them several chances to tell s whet they had. A regular unit arrived to assist us and as we searched driver and passenger they searched the van, lo and behold three bags of ‘herbal remedy’. We where all for dragging them off to custody, seizing the van, informing the council, etc.etc. But before we could do so the regular officers said we should issue a cannabis warning……ho hum… so a cannabis warning it was.  

They guy we took into our car was more worried about his wife finding out than anything else and kept apologising for lieing to us.

Back at the station, this simple warning translated into about two hours of form filling and report writing…in effect taking two units of the streets who could have been doing something useful, instead of filling box files with dead trees.